Tuesday, 23 June 2009

Externalising my Internal Dialogue

Been thinking to myself a lot recently. You know me, I think a lot. While I'm lying in the sun, dreaming of chasing the tennis ball, biting Frida and cuddling my folks - a few thoughts on current affairs have been creeping into my head. In order to get across my thoughts I'm gonna write them down as though they're a conversation with my dad. He's my intellectual inferior (as, indeed, are many - so no offence) but he'll serve a purpose today.

TZ: Hey dad, you read the Guardian today?
Jaff: No son, i read the Sport and Nuts: I like the pictures better.
TZ: Pfft, I should have known...anyway: Gordo's seen better days as PM, the knives are out (still). It does my head in. I was wondering, do you think people get on his back more because he's ugly?
Jaff: He is ugly, and he does that weird thing where he drops his jaw after every sentence, sometimes just when there's a comma in the sentence.
TZ: Yeah, that's pretty odd. Just that, I heard on Radio 4 the other day that we pretty much had a period of economic growth last quarter (like only 0.05% or something) but I was thinking, that in the midst of a global recession, how can any leader be criticised given this information? I know the expenses thing was a bit rubbish but are we not looking for some broad strokes here? I fear we might get too tied down in the minutiae at such a critical time.

Jaff: Hmm, maybe like...

TZ: Well, for starters, from what I've seen the Tories have been slightly worse than the other parties re expenses (which can only be seen as ironic seen as the paper to have leaked the 'scandal' in the bleedin' Torygraph). Yet everyone around here wants to See Gordo's head on a block. It's not very good is it.

Jaff. Crap.

TZ: Well I put it to you that it's because of how he looks. The media find it so easy to find horrible photo's of him looking stressed and tired. Plus, poor enunciation and ill-fitting suits really don't help his public speeches. Compare him with some other past leaders and I think we'll see a pattern. For some unbeknownst reason people thought that Margaret Thatcher was presentable, nay attractive, even sexy to some idiots! But to her media savvy credit, she had neat hair, wasn't overweight, had a great speech writer etc etc. The guy that followed her (the grey dude...erm, Major that's him) was well, grey and dull and typically Tory. Didn't last long at all.
Jaff: True, but was it not like the poll tax and Black Friday that did for him?

TZ: Well, can't those policies be seen as an extension of Thatcherism? It's all well and good to blame him, especially as he was chancellor under the Iron Idiot, but really...he's just another ignorant Tory that didn't care about anywhere North of Cambridge. Not the arch Twat Thatcher was. Indeed, I've read a book where he blames Thatcher for tying his hands as chancellor but blaming him when it went wrong: yet -when PM - he was painted as being boring, dull and grey: his wife even had a boring name!
Jaff: What's your point?

TZ: Well, my point is that people often don't care about policy. They want their leader to be charismatic, charming and attractive. Probably because that's how they see see themselves, even though most of them are cretins. So people liked Thatcher, even though she was abhorrent and destroyed ways of life willy-nilly, because she turned out nice...but boring Major got the boot at the first sign of discontent. I see a similar pattern with the Blair to Brown transition...Tony Blair took us into an illegal war, supported the deregulation of the financial system, removed/amended clause 4 from the Labour party's manifesto but was handsome so it's all been forgotten. Hail to the handsome dude. Now bring in Gordo - ah, it's all gone a bit to shit, and he looks a bit crap, get rid of him.

Jaff: Aye, perhaps. Is that what happened with what's-his-name who tried to lead the Tories after Major.
TZ: Both Iain Duncan Smith and indeed William Hague (the gentleman to whom I believe you are referring) suffered from looking a little, well crap. No one was too bothered as the Tories were so unelectable at the time. Same too for Menzies Campbell. Yet, both those parties have sworn in new, dare I say it, 'handsome' leaders recently. Well, ones that don't look like aliens anyway. People are more bothered that their leader looks good than has decent policies. What anyone thinks millionaire idiot David Cameron has in common with the voting mass I'll never know, but he'll win the next election for the Tories you mark my woofs...

Jaff: Perhaps you're right Tee Zee.

TZ: Well, I know I'm only looking over the last twenty years or so, and the argument that Neil Kinnock wasn't ugly is fair enough. Arthur Scargill, though, who was massively influential in the labour party at that time used to come across as some kind of socialist Picasso painting with a 'death warrants for the middle classes' T-shirt on. He had more to do with them not getting elected than Kinnock's looks. There was a study done in the US recently that said people voted for candidates that look presidential (hence GW Bush getting in, as he looked exactly like his dad who was president, well that and the cheating).
Jaff: So what you're saying is that the 'tits-out' culture of Nuts, Big brother and Heat magazine has infiltrated politics to the nth degree. Is that not good seen as that's what people like, and government is supposed to represent the people not tell them what they want to have represented?

TZ: Perhaps, I don't know. I just thought we lived in country where giving asylum, the welfare state, national education and health services would and should be important than someone dropping their jaw in speeches. Lets save the good suits and haircuts for popstars and have some sensible fair policies from our MPs.
Jaff: Nice one, you're right...now, don't go to sleep there - you're on top of my Zoo magazine and it's a Danni Lloyd special
Or something like that. I'm only a dog though, so what do I know? Instead of talking politics I should stick to chasing balls. On that theme, why am I not at Wimbledon? I'd make a great ball dog...

Monday, 22 June 2009

What a weekend...

My dad's been away all weekend. It was a shit laugh for me, but he seemed to enjoy it. He had a gig at an agricultaral college on Friday night and then drove to Leicester to do a DJ set with uncle Ross. Sounded like a right mission when he was telling me about it, cos one of the motorways was closed and there was traffic, and they were late. I was comparing it with when I couldn't sleep properly cos I was too tired - really annoying!

Early the next morning he had to get up and fly to Madrid, I wasn't allowed to go because I don't have a passport (the only reason). He had to fly via Barcelona and he's done nothing but whinge on about how shite the airport was...no signs, no staff...different terminals that aren't advertised properly...really long queues. Once in Madrid, though, he and Ross had a belter of a time - apparently. He arrived back late Sunday night to the disappointment that his car had been broken by mam. He's been on the phone to the people at something called 'Ford' today - and they seem to be able to fix it on Wednesday. Means he won't be leaving me alone to go and playing stupid boring golf for a while anyway, haha!

He's doing loads of stretching at the minute, and keeps telling people on the phone that he's come out of retirement again for football. Sounds like a load of shit to me, who wouldn't really like running around chasing balls? It's, like, the best thing ever!

Went round Dolly's for a bit yesterday but she just lashes me these days, pure scratches my face. Knacks. Then uncle Monty pure stood on my head yesterday: all in all, I've a 'ruff' weekend folks. boom boom. Till next time...

Monday, 15 June 2009


Hello hello.

Well the weekend's done and dusted and it felt like a long one. From Queen to 'Battle of the Bands', Birmingham to Sunderland - my dad's never stopped whinging about not having a moment to himself. Then on bloody Sunday he went round the Ivy to sing(star) queen (see left) I was upstairs having my face scratched off by Dolly in a play fight and all I could hear was people murdering bloody Queen's hits. Awful. Sounded good fun though. John Chappell was especially good.

No Sunday dinner last night, they all left me in the house and buggered off to TayBarnes. Sly. And my dad's been out all morning demoing his new song with Dave Brewis. He well reckons himself these days. Thinks he's Joni bloody Mitchell.
Well, looks like I'll be hanging with Frida for most of the day cos my dad's off to meet his mate Slumpers for tea and I'm not invited. If there's anythin' goes on though, I'll let you guys know.
Until we speak again...
Tee Zee

Saturday, 13 June 2009

The weekend...

..starts here. Dad is off to Boringham to do a gig with his group. Mam is being lazy and is still in bed at midday on Saturday. I've had a lovely morning though, been to see my gran and grandad Craig, had a little walk and have been enjoying the sunshine.

Dad was drunk last night. He judged a battle of the bands in town and had lots of free drinks. Swa, our housemate, was also drunk. My mam had had some drinks but at least I could get some sense out of her.  I enjoyed going to see Dolly and Sara in the pub too, left my damn tennisey there though, so will have to go round for it today. Perhaps my mam will take me if I bat my eyelashes at her.

Gonna read the paper now with my dad, and see what's going on in the world. Gordon Brown's leadership worries, UKIP's disgraceful election success, Iranian elections etc etc. I'm very worried about the world today, when I was a puppy things were much easier. See also, this link: I always said I didn't know when I was doing something wrong!!

Thursday, 11 June 2009

Today's craic

Not much has been happening today. My dad and I had a lovely lie in (see photo coming soon) then a nice walk on the civic field and played a little tennisey. My dad's been doing loads of crap stuff like playing guitar into his computer and singing along with it. He calls it demoing, i call it boring. He's been talking about Ross coming round to do more of this stuff (I'll try and get them to play with me instead by woofing consistently).

Dad's just got back from Sainsbury's: bought me some liver sausage that was on special - but im only allowed it chopped up with boring dog bicuits. He said he got into a conversation about vegetariansim with the guy on the till. I don't really know why he doesnt eat meat. It's bonkers. Cows are especially tasty: they give us delicious delicious cream and butter too. Oh well, he'll have to make do with Humous for tea, yack.

I'm gonna be in on my own for a bit tonight cos dad's going to the premier of 'We Will Rock You' the Queen musical in Sunderland. He's always banging on about Queen my dad: they're ok, Freddie's a good singer but I sometimes wish May was a little more understated. Mam's out with work so it's just me and Frida - I'm sure she'll want to play chasey. If only I had £80m: then I could afford to buy a friend like Christiano Ronaldo. He looks like he'd be good fun to race and play football with. Shit hair though.

Oh well, tra for now like. If my dad ever puts down this 'Bad Science' book I'll be out walking soon, so if you see me, say, "Hi!"...


Wednesday, 10 June 2009

Introducing...Toby Ziegler

Hi everyone! I'm Toby and I'm the fastest Shih Tzu in Sunderland. Fact. Over the next few days you'll get to know me quite well and I can entertain you all with tales of derring-do, chasing balls and annoying cats. I live with my mam Marie, dad Jaff and sister Frida (she's a cat and hates me). Also Swa, a tall gentlemen, who enjoys playing 'raggy toy' with me. I have a large extended family notably my aunties Sara and Flossie, nana Nixon and cousin Dolly (also a cat, this time my friend). I have a humble love of my uncle Monty (English Bull terrifier) and also like gran and grandad Craig - although they often just tell me Im fat and need a haircut/bath. Why aye.

I enjoy being walked around the civic field and seaburn beach. Playing tennisey and chasy. I DO NOT like the rain, the cold, silly outfits my mam and aunties dress me in, or having a bath. In the house my favourite thing to do is carry on with Frida, chase her up stairs etc etc. I also am a big fan of playing tennisey indoors...especially the game of knocking it under the settee so my dad has to get down on all fours to rake it out (I have perfected my loud bark in order to make him do this).

So yeah, that's me - this isn't a freakin CV - so anything else you wanna know about me you'll have to ask or piece together from my blog. Most of my done-deeds are on a need to know basis, but I will share with you what i can. Until tomorrow, when the narrative begins...WELCOME TO MY BLOG!